We’re off regular programming this week because guess what, your girl turned 30.
It’s been an emotional milestone. Throughout my healing journey and my admittedly rocky 20s, I told myself to keep going. I told myself to keep going, but if I still felt this way by the time I was 30, I’d give myself permission to give up.
Just in time, about a year before the big birthday, things began falling into place. I recovered from all my ailments thanks to psychedelic medicine and deep integration. At last, I became the person I dared to dream I could become. I no longer recognize the version of me that had these thoughts. I remember her despair and hold it with compassion, but it feels like a distant memory. I’ve finally found the freedom I was searching for all along.
Here’s what I learned on my journey from the mind to the heart, the journey that ultimately saved my life, the journey that I know I share with so many of you. Maybe there’s a thing or two in here that you needed to hear today.
30 Things I Learned in 30 Years
There’s no better compass than your heart. Nurture your intellect, but don’t forget to nurture your heart. The mind is a great servant but a bad master. Make sure you learn the language of your heart.
Emotions are the closest you will ever get to truth. Don’t blindly trust your mind, your ego is strongly influenced by external forces that aren’t always in your favor. Emotions are the language of the heart. They’re always valid. Trust them.
The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. This relationship should always be your number one priority and guide all your other relationships. The only person’s respect that you should constantly be striving for is your own.
Nothing matters as much as you think it does. Relax. No one cares as much about what you do as you do, not lastly because most people care mainly about themselves. Stop caring so much.
You don’t have to find your purpose. Your worth as a human comes from being, not from doing. Your purpose on this planet is to simply be. Achieving goals is rewarding, but it won’t be enough to sustain contentment in the long term. Learn to be and you will learn to live purposefully.
Happiness has everything to do with the quality of your mind, and much less to do with your environment, achievements, or belongings. You can train your mind to be more present and equanimous through meditation, which will allow you to tap into more joy and bliss.
Stop striving and you’ll find peace. Striving is the enemy of happiness. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t set goals, it means that you need to let go of the belief that something in the future will make you happier, more worthy, more complete. You’re whole and complete now, always have been, always will be.
If it’s not a “fuck yes”, it’s probably a no. If you’re having doubts about something, there’s a reason. Always trust your gut instincts.
Everything shifts when you shift your energy. You can spend all your time thinking about all the things that can go wrong — or you can do the opposite. You can morph your mind from a record of the past into a vision of the future (yeah, manifestation works).
Real beauty has nothing to do with your appearance. There’s nothing more attractive than being beautiful on the inside. Cultivate your good qualities and you will be magnetizing.
Your body is beautiful exactly as it is, don’t listen to anyone who is trying to tell you otherwise. Rather than striving for outer beauty, cultivate confidence. There’s nothing more invigorating than confidence.
You cannot hate yourself into a body you love. If you want to change your relationship with your physical form, you have to start where you are now. There’s no way around it. This is the work.
Similarly, you cannot hate yourself into a being a person you love. Learn to cultivate kinder voices and you’ll accelerate change. If you want to grow, there’s no way to do it without self-compassion. If there’s a part of you that you don’t like, rather than shame it, get to know it, learn why it does the things it does, and give it what it really needs.
There are no bad parts. Even the most destructive patterns and voices in your head have good intentions. If you don’t know what those intentions are, you have more work to do. Uncover them, and you will heal.
Always look inside first. If you’re judging someone, it has everything to do with you and nothing to do with them. If you’re triggered by something someone does or says, it has everything to do with you and nothing to do with them.
Healing your shadow and your inner child are the two greatest tasks of your life, take them seriously. It will be the most difficult and terrifying work you will ever do, but it will set you free.
Sometimes, things have to get worse before they get better. “When the symptoms get worse, that’s when the healing begins”, as they say in Eastern philosophy. Keep going and you will eventually find the light at the end of the tunnel.
Trauma and mental illness are not life sentences. When you heal the root causes, the symptoms will dissipate. Your wounds will turn into scars. Scars simply tell stories, they no longer hurt.
Your greatest hardships will be the impetus for your greatest gifts. Don’t force gratitude when you’re not ready. Eventually, you will understand. Be patient. When you heal, you get to keep the gifts.
Healing doesn’t mean that you let go of parts of you. Healing means you learn to hold the entirety of who you are with equanimity and compassion.
Solitude is a great teacher, but relationships and community are an even greater one. You need both in your life. If you over-index on one, and there are parts of you that feel uncomfortable either alone or in company, there’s something going on. Figure out what and work through it.
Vulnerability is the only path to genuine connection. The more you’re vulnerable, the more people will feel connected to you. Plus, the more they’ll be inspired to be vulnerable, too — which creates a ripple effect.
Love is the only thing that matters. If you’re lacking love in your life, start by cultivating genuine love for yourself. Your capacity to receive love directly correlates to your capacity to love yourself. All other love will flow from it.
When you begin to unconditionally trust the universe, magic is bound to happen. There’s a divine order to how everything in this universe unfolds. Control is an illusion. Live life like you trust that divine order and you will realize that the universe has always had your back.
Be relentless about telling the truth. Everything in your life will shift when you commit to being truthful at all times — with yourself and others. Your commitment to truth is the best tool you have to hold yourself accountable to alignment.
Beauty is the fabric of this universe. The experience of beauty is love. Because you’re a direct manifestation of this universe, your essence is beauty, too. Anything you admire about nature — its beauty, diversity, and complexity — you hold within yourself. You are nature.
You can find beauty everywhere around you at all times. To recognize it, all you need to do is cultivate your ability to remain present and pay attention. Awe, wonder, and bliss are your natural states. Remove everything that gets in the way. When you learn to fully experience the beauty around you, you radiate love.
We’re all one organism. Once you recognize that you’re connected to everything in existence, you realize that every act of love is an act of self-love. You’ll make different choices. You’ll belong differently.
Life will keep getting better the older you get. You’ll gain wisdom, confidence, and self-awareness. Knowledge can be shared and taught, but true wisdom can only be lived and experienced.
You create your own reality. Be conscious of your inner dialogue. If you think something will be hard, it will be hard. You can become anyone you want, do anything your heart desires. But first, begin believing that it is possible for you. Let yourself be brave and dream big.
Beautiful ! And if you think about it all of the other 29 flow from number 23.
Julia, I love your 30 things. Reading your writing, I was amazed to learn you are still so young. To have travelled so far and learned so much by 30 is amazing. I’m over 60 and really hadn’t started the journey you describe (from head to heart) at your age. May you continue on your trajectory and share your wisdom with the world. You are a gift. 🎁